Coffee and me no longer hang

  I’ve been a heavy coffee drinker for, oh, at least the past 20 years. Anyone who’s known me for any length of time has noticed my strong, um, attachment to the divine nectar of the almighty bean. Some have called it “addiction,” but that’s such an ugly word, isn’t it?

I like to think that I’ve not been a total snob about coffee, though. While I always stayed away from foul Robusta bean bilge like Folger’s and Maxwell House, I never copped an attitude. I never looked down my nose at Starbucks, and I learned early on that supposedly “hip” indie coffeeshops sometimes have really bad coffee.

It was never a lifestyle thing with me, I was just a fan of the drink itself. A good cup of coffee is a good cup of coffee.

Well, for the past several months I’ve been fighting some weird pancreas thing. The GI doc says I may have had a bout with viral pancreatitis, which caused the various pains and discomfort I’ve been feeling.

He’s never asked if I was a big coffee drinker — and I never volunteered the information — but I do have to wonder if all that coffee drinking could have had something to do with it. (Gee, ya think?)

During my various treatments for this ailment, I recently came down with a particularly nasty stomach flu. I mean nasty. So I figured, hey, since I’m basically going cold turkey from all food and drink for 48 hours — not to mention that my system is, err, completely flushed clean — why not take advantage of the hiatus and stop drinking coffee altogether?

Just quit, then and there, and see if that helps with the pancreas thingie? Since, you know, I can live without coffee but I can’t live without a functioning pancreas.

So I did it. I just stopped drinking coffee. That was nearly two weeks ago. I haven’t had a drop of coffee — not a taste, not a sip — since March 21.

Now, I’m not entirely crazy. I am drinking tea now, which I never did before. Some Earl Grey, a little green tea, some mate here and there. But no coffee at all.

Funny thing — I don’t miss it. Don’t miss it one bit. I do feel the tiniest whiff of desire when I smell freshly ground beans, but otherwise I have no craving for coffee at all. Which is just weird, considering my total dependence on it for the past two decades. But I have to say, I do feel fantastic, and much, much healthier since quitting.

I’m not drinking coffee, but I tell you what I am doing, is eating. Eating all the time, constantly, everything I can get my hands on and wrap my mouth around.

Simply put, I have gone from being obsessed with coffee to being obsessed with food.

I’ve always been one of these types that can eat whatever they want, as much as they want and never gain any weight. I have to wonder if that was due less to genetics than to the fact that I was basically mainlining a heavy appetite suppressant for many years.

Hopefully this pancreas thing is behind me now — Prevacid is also involved, and it works like a charm — so I can get into my new incarnation as an epicurean gourmand. And hopefully my wife will still find me attractive if I end up gaining 20 pounds.

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