John Stoehr Independence Day is Oct. 17 (with update)

  It’s time to welcome a new holiday to the calendar. Oct. 17 is apparently the day when Savannah Morning News arts reporter John Stoehr begins his newest Ninja search-and-destroy mission, this one at the Charleston City Paper. Cheers!

We live in a time of discord, cynicism and mistrust. So it’s a rare opportunity indeed when an entire community can come together as one to celebrate something everyone agrees is great and important.

I think it’s safe to say that never has Savannah’s arts community been so united in anything as it is in rejoicing that Stoehr’s relentless, reckless and utterly useless jihad against them has finally come to an end. On that historic morning, we’ll wake up secure in the knowledge that we will never again be forced to witness the cringe-inducing but undeniably fascinating sight of one man’s oddly exhibitionist primal therapy played out for all the city to see on the pages of the daily paper of record.

I swear, I heard corks popping from champagne bottles all over town last night, like gunshots. Wait, maybe that was just gunshots.

Anyway, Stoehr — who as of this writing is still collecting a paycheck from the Morning News — has written his very first column for his new employer, in which he bashes Savannah, the Savannah Jazz Festival, our entire arts community, and probably your puppy or kitty. Here it is, in all its solipsistic, self-absorbed glory.

Be sure to scroll down to the comments, and be sure to keep in mind that, in his patented fashion, he was still working at the Morning News when he pitched and wrote this, and that his new City Paper editor, Stephanie Barna, inexplicably said, “OK, fine.”

I hesitate to get too far into my history with Stoehr, because I was the moron who hired him into Savannah journalism to begin with, as music editor here. That didn’t work out, as the euphemism goes.

After “parting ways” with Connect Savannah (another euphemism), Stoehr almost immediately got the job with the Morning News that cemented his notoriety here as a narcissistic, treacherous muckraker, focused like a laser beam on alienating every artist and arts organization in town. Literally every single one, an amazing feat of consensus-brokering on Stoehr’s part, unintentional though it was.

Two things I’ve learned about John: 1) He really has no clue of the incredible negative impact he has on the people he writes about; and 2) He’s a very productive dude, churning out oceans of copy for his main employer as well as anyone else he can shill the same articles to on the side. In addition, he writes more or less constantly at this Arts Journal blog — note the typically condescending title, “Flyover” — where he seems to be regarded as some kind of meta-savant or guru.

I should be saddened at his leaving, because his presence made our job so much easier. All we had to do was walk into the room and people would say, “Thank God, Connect is covering this and not Stoehr.” I have played Knight in Shining Armor many times, all just by showing up. I say that not to pat myself on the back, but to show how nasty the situation had become.

But truthfully I’m as happy as anyone else he’s leaving, because I love my city and want to see it lifted up, not degraded. We’ve got a lot of problems and Lord knows we’ve got a long ways to go, but we’re finally moving in the right direction. Maybe a little faster now that he’s gone.

My only nagging discomfort is due to my hard-won knowledge that despite the undeniable charms and beauty of Charleston, there is a strange magnetism about Savannah that always pulls people back in. The day may come when we have to revoke our new holiday and strike it from the calendar.

But for now, I’ll just celebrate John Stoehr Independence day in true Savannah fashion, with the secret weapon we have that Charleston doesn’t: To-go cups.

UPDATE: As Joseph Conrad would put it, “Mistah Stoehr, he gone.” According to my (jubilant) sources inside the building, the SMN on Monday told him to go away and not come back. For lack of better info I’m still holding to that Oct. 17 date for the official holiday.

Email Article       Previous entry:  How much is too much?  |  Next entry:  A sad day for children